Abuse is not Equal

This subject is a touchy one. Child Abuse comes in many forms/ Abuse comes in many forms. Not only can it be physical but emotional abuse as well. Under some of these descriptions anyone at some point could become an Abuser and a victim of Abuse themselves. That's why it is best to know the guidelines around this behavior. When to realize when help is needed to give. Yes Ones have to stand on there own, I understand that. But this is my point of view. Just because someone you think is so strong and nothing could tare them down. Doesn't mean that is really true. We all have are moments where it seems as-tho everything is getting to use, bugging us. We all can reach that point where, we have had enough. It's hard for a Abused victim to step forward in total. But for Men it seems to be harder to say it outright., Why? Because Men are thought to be above women in some many ways, yet pushed aside in other ways. That being said Women are pushed aside do to the rights they might not fully have equal to that of a Mans statics. Abuse/ Abusing, those words aren't equal. They both come with so many meanings under each one.

I found this information to first inform myself, but as I kept hearing about this I wanted to find out more. I wanted to speak outright because not everyone shares my belief. Abuse is bad, but calling someone a Abuser when in fact they are the Abuser themselves. Is yet another Abusive mind control game to push anthers independence down.

Types of Abuse

[Sometimes it isn't enough just to be concerned. I hope this can have you spot the warning signs of a possible problem, and make a call for help for the abused. Sometimes abusive behavior does not cause a warning sign. It can be settle at first, so much so that you don't recognize yourself that you are being Abused. Often times the first time someone is Abused by someone they know they don't recognize it to be Abuse.]

• Physical Abuse
• Sexual Abuse
• Emotional or Psychological Abuse
• Neglect
• Abandonment
• Financial or Material Exploitation
• Self-neglect

Physical Abuse        

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[ Now in the past I have tried to convey my thoughts on Abuse, Abusive Relationships. And a number of ones haven't gotten it to be clear. They choose to believe the Abuser is the Abused, the Abused is the Abuser. There logic I can not except as the truth. By that this is there opinion and everyone has a right to think of how they wish. Wrong or right they have that right. I can't look aside to pass over a wrong doing that's right in front of me. I saw a Man being a victim of Abuse in different ways, and so I spoke up. It did however take me some time to muster up the nerve to speak my mind. Normally I try not to get involved in other ones affairs, but I did as I could no longer hold it together. The anger that I felt, that I feel over the ones that only wish to cut another down. With no proof, no reason other then what they can get. That like to hate purely because they are just hateful ones. I chose to use Legal terms, Definitions on the matters they were using. This was my way of dealing with them but it fell off deaf ears (so to speak/ I mean no disrespect when using that word). They couldn't understand even when I clearly copy and pasted the Definitions to make it clearer I didn't use my own words for a time. But we all can get provoked and I admit I was one that fell for it. I ended up only hurt more by the thought that there were such hatred in this world. I'm not dumb I know there are evils that are far more then anyone's stupidity. All in hopes that something might sink in. Of the truth hidden behind countless lies, seems as mountains of lies. All used to confuse the issue at hands. All in a desperate move to try to shift the public away from the truth of who was the real Abuser.]

Physical abuse is defined as the use of physical force that may result in bodily injury, physical pain, or impairment. Physical abuse may include but is not limited to such acts of violence as striking (with or without an object), hitting, beating, pushing, shoving, shaking, slapping, kicking, pinching, and burning. In addition, inappropriate use of drugs and physical restraints, force-feeding, and physical punishment of any kind also are examples of physical abuse.

 Examples of physical abuse are:

• Scratching, punching, biting, strangling or kicking.
• Throwing something at you such as a phone, book, shoe or plate.
• Pulling your hair.
• Pushing or pulling you.
• Grabbing your clothing.
• Using a gun, knife, box cutter, bat, mace or other weapon.
• Smacking your bottom.
• Forcing you to have sex or perform a sexual act.
• Grabbing your face to make you look at them.
• Grabbing you to prevent you from leaving or to force you to go somewhere.

Escaping Physical Abuse

Start by learning that you are not alone. More than one in 10 high school students have already experienced some form of physical aggression from a dating partner, and many of these teens did not know what to do when it happened. If you are in a similar situation:

• Realize this behavior is wrong.
• Talk to an adult, friend or family member that you trust.
• Create a safety plan.
• Consider getting a restraining order.
• Do not accept or make excuses for your partner’s abusive behavior.
• Remember that physical abuse is never your fault.

Protecting Yourself from Physical Abuse

Unhealthy or abusive relationships usually get worse. It is important to know the warning signs to prevent more serious harm. If you are in an unhealthy or abusive relationship, consider making a safety plan. Chat with a peer advocate for more information.

[There's a on going case going on that this word Abuse is all about. Comes to mind of this person that seems so strong yet is still a tender foot. In a lot of ways the fault of this person is they trusted the wrong person to intern there life in total. But you can't say it is or not because nobody will ever know more then the ones involved. Right?, No not exact because there are points where the victim has no memory of the Abuse. This is when other things come into the picture. Also not ever Abused victim wishes to draw action to themselves and state that this is what they were being forced to go through. That being said it is understandable to me that we hear more about the Abuse of a Woman/ Child/ Elder then we ever do of Abuse of a Man.]
 

Emotional abuse includes non-physical behaviors such as threats, insults, constant monitoring or “checking in,” excessive texting, humiliation, intimidation, isolation or stalking.
There are many behaviors that qualify as emotional or verbal abuse:

• Calling you names and putting you down.
• Yelling and screaming at you.
• Intentionally embarrassing you in public.
• Preventing you from seeing or talking with friends and family.
• Telling you what to do and wear.
• Damaging your property when they’re angry (throwing objects, punching walls, kicking doors, etc.)
• Using online communities or cell phones to control, intimidate or humiliate you.
• Blaming your actions for their abusive or unhealthy behavior.
• Stalking you.
• Threatening to commit suicide to keep you from breaking up with them.
• Threatening to harm you, your pet or people you care about.
• Making you feel guilty or immature when you don’t consent to sexual activity.
• Threatening to expose your secrets such as your sexual orientation or immigration status.
• Starting rumors about you.
• Threatening to have your children taken away.

Is Emotional Abuse Really Abuse?

A relationship can be unhealthy or abusive even without physical violence. Verbal abuse may not cause physical damage, but it does cause emotional pain and scarring. It can also lead to physical violence if the relationship continues on the unhealthy path its on. Learn more about how to recognize emotional abuse by checking out our Power and Control Wheel.
Sometimes verbal abuse is so bad that you actually start believing what your partner says. You begin to think you’re stupid, ugly or fat. You agree that nobody else would ever want to be in a relationship with you. Constantly being criticized and told you aren’t good enough causes you to lose confidence and lowers your self esteem. As a result, you may start to blame yourself for your partner’s abusive behavior.
Remember — emotional abuse is never your fault. In fact, your partner may just be trying to control or manipulate you into staying in the relationship. Talk to someone you trust, like a parent, friend or teacher, about the situation and make a safety plan. You can also chat with a peer advocate for more help when dealing with verbal abuse.

[Also Sexual Abuse could also fall under the area where. You are being forced to stay with a person, be with them sexually. All the while it is unwanted and you are becoming a victim of Sexual Abuse.]

Sexual abuse refers to any action that pressures or coerces someone to do something sexually they don’t want to do. It can also refer to behavior that impacts a person’s ability to control their sexual activity or the circumstances in which sexual activity occurs, including oral sex, rape or restricting access to birth control and condoms.
It is important to know that just because the victim “didn’t say no,” doesn’t mean that they meant “yes.” When someone does not resist an unwanted sexual advance, it doesn’t mean that they consented. Sometimes physically resisting can put a victim at a bigger risk for further physical or sexual abuse.
Some think that if the victim didn’t resist, that it doesn’t count as abuse. That’s not true. It’s still is. This myth is hurtful because it makes it more difficult for the victim to speak out and more likely that they will blame themselves. Whether they were intoxicated or felt pressured, intimidated or obligated to act a certain way, it’s never the victim’s fault.
Some examples of sexual assault and abuse are:

• Unwanted kissing or touching.
• Unwanted rough or violent sexual activity.
• Rape or attempted rape.
• Refusing to use condoms or restricting someone’s access to birth control.
• Keeping someone from protecting themselves from sexually transmitted infections (STIs).
• Sexual contact with someone who is very drunk, drugged, unconscious or otherwise unable to give a clear and informed “yes” or “no.”
• Threatening someone into unwanted sexual activity.
• Pressuring or forcing someone to have sex or perform sexual acts.
• Using sexual insults toward someone.

Keep in Mind

• Everyone has the right to decide what they do or don’t want to do sexually. Not all sexual assaults are violent “attacks.”
• Most victims of sexual assault know the assailant.
• Both men and women can be victims of sexual abuse.
• Both men and women can be perpetrators of sexual abuse.
• Sexual abuse can occur in same-sex and opposite-sex relationships.
• Sexual abuse can occur between two people who have been sexual with each other before, including people who are married or dating.
• Sexual activity in a relationship should be fun! Get our tips for navigating sex and healthy relationships.

What to Do

If you have been sexually assaulted, first get to a safe place away from the attacker. You may be scared, angry and confused, but remember the abuse was in no way your fault. You have options. You can:

• Contact Someone You Trust. Many people feel fear, guilt, anger, shame and/or shock after they have been sexually assaulted. Having someone there to support you as you deal with these emotions can make a big difference. It may be helpful to speak with a counselor, someone at a sexual assault hotline or a support group. Get more tips for building a support system.
• Report What Happened to the Police. If you do decide to report what happened, you will have a stronger case if you do not alter or destroy any evidence. This means don’t shower, wash your hair or body, comb your hair or change your clothes, even if that is hard to do. If you are nervous about going to the police station, it may help to bring a friend with you. There may also be sexual assault advocates in your area who can assist you and answer your questions.
• Go to an Emergency Room or Health Clinic. It is very important for you to seek health care as soon as you can after being assaulted. You will be treated for any injuries and offered medications to help prevent pregnancy and STIs.

Remember there is always help. For more information or to find out about available resources in your area, chat with a peer advocate.

 [Now Financial Abuse can and does happen to the wealthy, or for that matter ones that have more then another. But is noway limited to only those groups. The Abuser used different ways to control the Abused. All in hopes of what they can gain out of the ordeal. Even going so far as using a child for Financial Abuse. This I mean by looking to a child only as a Financial way out of your situation.]

Financial abuse can be very subtle — telling you what you can and cannot buy or requiring you to share control of your bank accounts. At no point does someone you are dating have the right to use money or how you spend it to control you.
Here are some examples of financially abusive behavior:

• Giving you an allowance and closely watching what you buy.
• Placing your paycheck in their account and denying you access to it.
• Keeping you from seeing shared bank accounts or records.
• Forbidding you to work or limiting the hours you do.
• Preventing you from going to work by taking your car or keys.
• Getting you fired by harassing you, your employer or coworkers on the job.
• Hiding or stealing your student financial aid check or outside financial support.
• Using your social security number to obtain credit without your permission.
• Using your child’s social security number to claim an income tax refund without your permission.
• Maxing out your credit cards without your permission.
• Refusing to give you money, food, rent, medicine or clothing.
• Using funds from your children’s tuition or a joint savings account without your knowledge.
• Spending money on themselves but not allowing you to do the same.
• Giving you presents and/or paying for things like dinner and expecting you to somehow return the favor.
• Using their money to hold power over you because they know you are not in the same financial situation as they are.

I’m Experiencing Financial Abuse

If your partner does any of these things, you are probably in an unhealthy or abusive relationship. Financial abuse is usually coupled with emotional or physical abuse.
If you are not in control over your finances, or if your partner has removed money from your bank account, it can seem very scary to leave an abusive relationship. There are many organizations who can help you “get back on your feet” and get control over your finances — some even provide short-term loans to cover important expenses as you escape an abusive relationship. Chat with a peer advocate to learn more about local resources.
You may also want to talk to someone you trust, like a friend, family member or legal professional, about getting a protection order. Whether you decide to leave or stay, consider making a safety plan that includes setting aside funds in a secret location.

 [It's sad to think one would have to move to get away from a Abusive Relationship/ Situation. But reality is this happens most of the time. Why stay in a place where the Abuser knows how to get to you? Why remain close with them if they only Abuse you? Questions I myself wish I knew the right answers to say, but don't. I'm sure I'm not alone in seeing such things in ones life. That could be called Abusive Behavior.]  


Stalking

You are being stalked when a person repeatedly watches, follows or harasses you, making you feel afraid or unsafe. A stalker can be someone you know, a past boyfriend or girlfriend or a stranger. While the actual legal definition varies from one state to another, [also what Country you are in] here are some examples of what stalkers may do:

• Show up at your home or place of work unannounced or uninvited.
• Send you unwanted text messages, letters, emails and voicemails.
• Leave unwanted items, gifts or flowers.
• Constantly call you and hang up.
• Use social networking sites and technology to track you.
• Spread rumors about you via the internet or word of mouth.
• Make unwanted phone calls to you.
• Call your employer or professor.
• Wait at places you hang out.
• Use other people as resources to investigate your life. For example, looking at your facebook page through someone else’s page or befriending your friends in order to get more information about you.
• Damage your home, car or other property.

What if I’m Being Stalked?

If you’re being stalked, you may be feeling stressed, vulnerable or anxious. You may also have trouble sleeping or concentrating at work or school. Remember, you are not alone. Every year in the United States, 3.4 million people are stalked and youth between the ages of 18-24 experience the highest rates. Most people assume that stalkers are strangers, but actually three in four victims are harassed by someone they know.
If you are in immediate danger, call 911 and report everything that’s happened to the police. Get additional support by obtaining a protection order that makes it illegal for the stalker to come near. Know that the person harassing you may also get arrested and convicted in the criminal justice system.
Remember to save important evidence such as:

• Text messages
• Voicemails
• Videos
• Letters, photos and cards
• Unwanted items or gifts
• Social media friend requests
• Emails

You should also write down the times, places and dates all incidents occurred. Include the names and contact information of people who witnessed what happened.
Stalking is traumatic. You may experience nightmares, lose sleep, get depressed or feel like you’re no longer in control of your life. These reactions are normal. It can help to tell your friends and family about the stalking and develop a safety plan. You can also chat with a peer advocate for support.

[Like I said before this is a touchy issue, Why? Because stalking the meaning can change given your profession you're in. I mean if you are famous, Doesn't your fans have the right to see you? Ask for your name sketched in their book, or a picture here and there? I don't know the right answer on that, because I have only ever asked for one autograph That was because I felt bad, to a group that no one was really wanting to speak to after the song. I am not the type to chase after people no matter who they are. So that being said my view points on somethings might be different from that of yours.]


The term “child abuse” carries many types of abuse; the predominant types of abuse are: physical, emotional, sexual, psychological and the neglectful mistreatment of a child. The Laws are different in whichever country you live in.Or Human Rights      

“Child abuse is no longer a family matter but obviously a social crime,” President Park Geun-hye said in April.

Under the new law, a convicted child abuser can be given a prison term from 5 years to life behind bars without parole. The previous minimum was a 3-year jail term. Those who work in child care facilities or schools can be fined up to 5 million won, or $4,700, up from the previous maximum of 3 million won, if they fail to report a suspected abuse case.
The new law also adds a requirement that police and child protection agency staff immediately intervene when a child abuse case is reported and gives them the authority to separate a child from parents suspected of abuse.
On top of tougher legislation, critics argue that more resources are needed to deal with an increasing problem and maximize the effectiveness of the new law.
The overall budget for child protection for next year from the state and local governments is 30.9 billion won, or $29.3 million, up from 17.5 billion won in 2014.
But lawmaker Namyun In-soon has noted that the state budget—about half of the total–is only around a third of the amount requested by the ministry. Last Friday, 12 private organizations for children’s rights also called on the government for more spending, including for centers for abused children.
“The budget for infrastructure to protect abused children is next to nothing, which overshadows the good intention of the law” the groups said in a joint statement. The government plans to add 6 more child protection centers staffed with specialists.
South Korea currently has 50 child protection centers. Ms. Namyun noted that more than 180 cities and towns don’t have such centers. The ministry declined to comment on Ms. Namyun’s remarks.
Follow Jaeyeon Woo on Twitter @JaeyeonWoo

[This all being said it's hard on the heart, but Abuse is very real and we need to step up about what we see.]

(la tía) and that child by:J.A. Burror

This is back when I was in my early 20's, still the words haunt my memory. I was told about how her Mother had 17+ kids that they knew at the time, before she got fixed. I’m not saying anything about having a big family, I want one some day. But the problem I have is when people that see children sympathy as a meal ticket or way to stay living off of others because you feel you're above the word 'Work'. I mean how low can anyone get to use there unborn as a way out, no love just a paycheck. You have to work for everything and asking for help isn’t easy. I was told of a perteen that needed help, that days before she attempted suicide. Because of her age the law got involved and the Mother had to do something to save her from charges. So (la tía) was then called about taking her away. At first it was only 1 child but (la tía) came out with 2 sisters. One of the sisters went to there older sisters house with her family. And the little brother they had there their Mother wouldn't let go of.

(la tía) told me she was asked to take her, and then started in at all the reason’s why she didn’t want her. All I said and still say again, I’ll take her. I said I’d make it work. I had a job, was getting money from a workman’s comp thane where I hurt my back bad at a past job. She could go to the school near me and I’d change my hour’s so I could take her to and from school. It took me not even a second and I wanted to be her Mom. And thought I could get my Food Stamp’s back from (la tía) had took them and only bought food she wanted and said it was mine too, but I never had a say what I wanted. I got all my food from fast food and the 99 cent store. There were cheap apartments down the street where I was talking to girls at work to move in with at the time. I would have made it work with Janine. I was thinking nonstop in my mind at that time and couldn't stop my desire to help that child.

(la tía) started to say again how she couldn’t afford her, and she was too old to be the Mother to a preteen girl. All I said is ether you want her or you don’t and if you won’t I’ll take her. I never had to thank about wanting her. All I knew is some of what her birth Mother put her threw and that it was a miracle that child was alive. She needed a home with no drama and no fighting, a loving home of understanding and respect. I failed her, I realize now painfully what I should of done. I should of went to her Mother’s house to speak to and in some way got full adoption paper’s signed. I should of tried harder to be what that child needed of me/ wanted of me to be. Not what seemed at the time easy, but wasn’t because I had to watch what was happening from the side. Trying to be a Mother to a girl that she didn't understand anything about just always assuming she knew that child better then me.

That child had been through so much pain from a young age and had been fighting within herself for so long. He life wasn't important to her, her thoughts she kept hidden in fear of what would be done against her. Food was a rare gift when she was allowed it. Clothes that fit weren't given. Her world was dirty and filled with uncleaned actions from those around her. Her pain she hid with a smile as she lived in shame.
      Really (la tía) knew of my past of abuse as a child, by her husband. Why wouldn't I be able to understand some of the nature of that child's pain.

Because of this I knew that in moments of deep depression you don’t fight-lash out-tease that person. It will only being a disheartening affect to the outcome to that person’s life. I couldn’t care what it does to the person doing all that shit. I knew a bit of the hell that child was trapped in, sad to say  bought out more metal issues then I feel that child ever would have had if not for knowing someone. I found out the next day (la tía) was taking her but told me I was going to have to help with financially rising that child. Even though I couldn't be her Mom, I still didn't mind if it was for that child. So that child was coming to live with us and I was happy, I had some saving’s and went shopping for clothes and toys. Wasn't much but it was more then she had. 

That child was thrown out with only the clothes on her back. They were dirty, torn, she appeared to be 4inches to tall for her pants. Very under fed, you see the type of person her Mother was. Was the Man comes first, you cook your meal for the man and yourself. Then what the man doesn't finish he gives to the boy, which gets his fill then passes the same plate down the line. Like you would let a pet taste your food off your plate.

(la tía) picked me up from work one afternoon and told me the good news that child was at the house. I was given a warning not to get to close, that she was shy and wouldn't open up to me. I walked in to the house and sat down with in minutes she came over and sat on my lap and was laughing and hugging me. I turned and saw (la tía) give me the evil eye. The rest of the night (la tía) kept saying that she was the only one that wanted her and that she had nowhere else to go. (la tía) told that child in front of me that “you can call me (her name), (la tía), or mom” in which (la tía) looked at me and smiled. I knew what (la tía) way doing, but didn’t want to play with a child’s emotions in anyway. She had been through so much I never wanted her to deal with more. So I didn’t speak up at all the lie’s and was trying to be okay with being near her.

That weekend was nice to start getting to know her. She liked to hold on to my hand and I loved it, to be honest. But School came around and that started problems. She hated the school she was going to, she had a hard time forcing on the teacher and turning in lessons. She was labeled a problem student because of all the miss days she had for the school year. Keeping her in the same school I really thought was pointless. It wasn't very close and she had issues with the being picked on. She had anxiety attacks for going to school, not all school’s just that one. I brought up home school for her where the teacher comes to your house once a week. Was told by (la tía) 'you're working and I don't have time'. Okay (la tía) thought it would be easy to raise a child with problems. LOL mind you (la tía) when I was there spent her time shopping, going to her friends, and clubbing at night. But that was before the child came into are lives and the only difference I saw changed was there was more screaming and I watched that child a lot at night. I recall (la tía) getting that child to go to school by saying “I’m not going to jail for you”. Ever morning for the most part it was the same fight with those two about school and how (la tía) was always sending her back. Children are one thing you just can’t send back when you have a problem with them, that they don’t do as they're told. It isn't food, if they have a few bruises on them then there ruined. We are all made up of right and wrong moments, good and bad habit’s. If you send a child back for because of them, because you fouled yourself in thinking raising a child would be easy. It's not easy, it's work to teach them well.Yes I do know some parents don't try to raise there children well. But then you have those that go all out for there children. Finding the time to listen and hearing them out. Guiding them not in the wrong direction.

One morning I came into the house to get ready for work and say by to everyone. (la tía) got off the phone as I came into the living room one morning and said that she can get more money from the government if she has a child with special needs. (la tía) 'A Foster Child with Mental problems I can get a few hundred more monthly if she stays with me and I don't adopt her'. I know I told (la tía) that she didn’t have big problems, just issues to talk about. Nonetheless it didn’t stop what (la tía) was about to do to the mental state of a child. I remember so clearly what I saw the next day as I entered the kitchen to walk to the living room where they were both were sitting. (la tía) was coaching a Child how to have multiple personality’s. Telling her that when you’re happy that’s 1, when your sad that’s 1 or angry is another. I listened to (la tía) state every emotion with a follow up, that’s another personality. (la tía) stopped when she got up to 10 different mental personalty inside her.


By Mayo Clinic Staff

• Dissociative amnesia. The main symptom of this disorder is memory loss that's more severe than normal forgetfulness and that can't be explained by a medical condition. You can't recall information about yourself or events and people in your life, especially from a traumatic time. Dissociative amnesia can be specific to events in a certain time, such as intense combat, or more rarely, can involve complete loss of memory about yourself. It may sometimes involve travel or confused wandering away from your life (dissociative fugue).  An episode of amnesia may last minutes, hours, or, rarely, months or years.
• Dissociative identity disorder. This disorder, formerly known as multiple personality disorder, is characterized by "switching" to alternate identities. You may feel the presence of one or more other people talking or living inside your head, and you may feel as though you're possessed by other identities. Each of these identities may have a unique name, personal history and characteristics, including obvious differences in voice, gender, mannerisms and even such physical qualities as the need for eyeglasses. There also are differences in how familiar each identity is with the others. People with dissociative identity disorder typically also have dissociative amnesia and often have dissociative fugue.
• Depersonalization-derealization disorder. This disorder involves an ongoing or episodic sense of detachment or being outside yourself — observing your actions, feelings, thoughts and self from a distance as though watching a movie (depersonalization). Other people and things around you may feel detached and foggy or dreamlike, and the world may seem unreal (derealization).  You may experience depersonalization, derealization or both. Symptoms, which can be profoundly distressing, may last only a few moments or come and go over many years.

Causes

By Mayo Clinic Staff

Dissociative disorders usually develop as a way to cope with trauma.  The disorders most often form in children subjected to long-term physical, sexual or emotional abuse or, less often, a home environment that's frightening or highly unpredictable.  The stress of war or natural disasters also can bring on dissociative disorders.
Personal identity is still forming during childhood. So a child is more able than an adult is to step outside of himself or herself and observe trauma as though it's happening to a different person. A child who learns to dissociate in order to endure an extended period of youth may use this coping mechanism in response to stressful situations throughout life.

Risk factors

By Mayo Clinic Staff

People who experience long-term physical, sexual or emotional abuse during childhood are at greatest risk of developing dissociative disorders. Children and adults who experience other traumatic events, such as war, natural disasters, kidnapping, torture or invasive medical procedures, also may develop these conditions.



 At that time I found out at the local Library that misdiagnosing someone with multiple personalities. From a few web sites that scared me that the medication given. Could lead to developing the condition, that and if you believe what others are saying about your own mental health. Later I looked it up and found this:

 1. Antidepressant drugs: These include citalopram, venlafaxine, phenelzine, fluoxetine, and sertraline. These drugs help reduce depression in some dissociative identity disorder patients. Antidepressants must be taken only under expert guidance as some of them have several side effects. Any change in the patient’s behavior due to the effect of medication must be monitored consistently.

2. Depressants: Depressants are used to calm down certain dissociative identity disorder patients displaying violent and manic behavior. These drugs temporarily diminish hyperactivity of the brain. They are used to prevent seizures or respiratory disorders that can be associated with a dissociative identity disorder. Examples of depressants include carisoprodol, atropine, benzodiazepines, and cyclobenzaprine.

3. Antipsychotic medication: These include chlorpromazine, aripiprazole, Risperdal®, Haldol®, and mellaril. These dissociative identity disorder drugs are used when the patient exhibits psychotic behavior. They work as mood stabilizers as well. Even if the dissociative identity patient is not diagnosed with psychosis, these drugs can be used to tranquilize and stabilize the mood. The drugs should be used strictly under the prescription and guidance of an expert physician.

4. Anxiety medication: These drugs are used for the treatment of dissociative identity patients who display excessive anxiety, or when anxiety is a trigger for dissociative identity disorder behavior. Anxiety can sometimes be an associated condition caused by dissociative identity problems. These medications help reduce anxiety. Xanax®, librium, valium, and ativan are some examples.

 5. Stimulants: These are used as dissociative identity disorder drugs when the patient displays severe depression, or in cases where depression is a cause of dissociative identity problems. Stimulants improve the central nervous system's response and make the person alert, wakeful, and active. This medication should only be taken in recommended doses and on a physician’s prescription. In addition, these medications are not suitable for some dissociative identity disorder patients. Examples of stimulant drugs include midafinil, methylphenidate, caffeine, and dextroamphetamine.

Breaking News at Newsmax.com http://www.newsmax.com/FastFeatures/Dissociative-identity-disorder-drugs/2011/01/03/id/381764/#ixzz41AR94qWP

I spoke with her after her and (la tía) stopped going over her lines for the next day. You see that child had a physic evaluation the very next morning (la tía) wanted to make sure that what she wanted that child to say was up to par. She told me the real reason why she went along with the teaching of (la tía)’s twisted mind. (la tía) had told her if she didn’t do it the way she wanted, she would send her back to her birth Mother. To come from a hellish home life, right into the arms of another form. I called a state worker about what was happening and nothing was ever done. You see (la tía) saved the clothes she came to the house in and would always say once or more a day “I’ll send you back in the same clothes you came here with, your Mother’s  not getting clothes I bought”. I have never hidden the fact that I wanted that child as mine responsible and I had plans to adopt her some day. Adopting a child you need a room for that child, a good job-meaning a strong work history or a way to provide for that child. I needed to get a place of my own and I had only been at my job for a little over half a year, I needed time for those things. I really did try not to get close, but if you ever met her you’d know. Its not possible not to fall in love with her. I knew a very different girl then (la tía) ever has known. That child was very respectful, loving, trustworthy and loyal. We had talks all the time and it broke my heart to leave her behind.

That child was made to lie to a Therapist. Act in a different way, because she was told to give names to her emotions. Because they were personalty's not emotions. Because of her up bring to that point from her Mother. Because of what (la tía) told the Therapist about how she acted. This lead the Multiple Personality’s/ Dissociative Identity Disorder.


(la tía) always told her how there was no one that cared or wanted her. That I didn’t love her or was ever coming back just for her. Because honestly getting her was always on my mind and if not adopting her myself, if she would have me. Is finding her parents that truly will love her enough to show her both right and wrong. And always be there for her, thank of her needs over there’s at every turn. And people that would never even in anger make threats to send her back to her birth Mother or a sister that would beat on her. (la tía) never adopted her, because the money from the state would stop. What a woman, to use a child only for monthly added income. Please, how is it that (la tía) got away with having her for any longer then that first day. (la tía) had a hard time having Janine do anything for her, often time’s she would ask me if she really had to listen to (la tía). It hurt but I told her she had to for the time being.

 I always said I had no regrets because to do so would mean I didn’t like who I had become. That child is my biggest and could be my only greatest regret is leaving her were she was and not taking her or finding her a real home. I had to move out because (la tía) raised the rent not even weeks before the next month. When I moved in I was paying by Food Stamps I say that because I never got them, I had the card for a few days and then never saw it but when (la tía) or her son would use it. I’d tell (la tía) what I wanted and and it was always “you don’t need that, nobody likes that” I’m not buying that with my money. We talked about rent and I agreed that she could have them after a few days seeing how it was already like. We agreed that it was rent for the month, if she could keep them as hers. I was paying $100.00 every month, when I first moved in that was fine for rent and then changed when I got more money. I got the job and paid her more because she offered to take me to work and pick me up some time’s. However, the first paycheck I got rent went up and so on. It got to the point that I was working 40+ only clock in and you had to clock out for break’s, lunch, and bathroom breaks. I was getting a little over $5/ an hour. I was paying rent $200/ to 300/, depending on the month and if (la tía) needed to shop more, Gas $70/, Food $150/. All and not counting my food, I worked it that I lived off $30/ to $50/ food and for the bus or if I wanted something. Or buy something for someone I had to save and it might have only been at the 99 cent store. I didn’t have any really left and then (la tía) ups the rent as if she knew I’d be on the street. I made a big mistake and trusted her with information about a lawsuit I had going at the time. I was to get some money and I wanted to go to school with it, and get a apartment. But (la tía) told me I owed her back payment for everything, because I trusted (la tía) enough that I paid her in cash as I was told I had to or it would mess up her monthly checks. Now get this I was going to get $7,500/, I owed (la tía) over $7,000/ within a matter of minutes after me telling (la tía) what I was going to be getting. I spoke with my Mom over the phone and told her what was happening and she said to move back in with them, I said yes without thinking. I didn’t have to because I knew if I didn’t leave (la tía)’s house it would just get worse and that I would never be able to afford living there more then a few more months at the rate my rent was always being raised. In the short time frames without notice, one month my rent went up twice. Sure I had places to go but I always had a bad feeling about the state I was in at that time. Not because of any reason but (la tía)’s first husband was a molester, second was same. Only I was older when he tried.This lead to my family and (la tía) having a falling out tell (la tía) lost the second husband.

I told that child week’s before, but I really didn’t have too. She came out to my shack of a room, (la tía)’s storage room, Black Mold and hole’s to the dirt ground, no bath room. Always having to have all her dog’s in there every time it rained or what ever animal she wanted at the time. That child came to the room and one of are talk’s about school and she told me '(la tía) turned to her saying that she wished I was her Mom and asked if I could be her Mom', after that she asked me if she could call me Mom. We’ve had many talk’s about this very thing of me becoming her adopted Mother, and she always knew I wanted her. But she always told me that she stayed with (la tía) always for me, so that one day I could adopt her myself. I had told her time and time how I felt I couldn’t stay there any longer. I had grew old of the games and the clubbing at my age of how old I felt at the time, I was to old for it. So the day before I was to leave and still I never once told (la tía) a word, she didn’t deserve that to me. I spoke with that child and was very clear that I loved her and still do, I was going to write and we were going to call each other all the time. But that never happened, every letter I sent I got back with (la tía) writing “Return to Sender, save a stamp, no longer here, moved, refereed”. About a week latter I got a letter in the mail addressed to my parents and myself, but also had remarks about my brother as well. In it there was a letter I had wrote to (la tía) asking her if me and that child could still have any form of contact.
[That I had put a money order in of the last of what I owed her and maybe even over what I did, she wrote “you can live with it I can live without it”(la tía).  I’ve done all the math and I wish you the best for life. You truly deserve to find that one true love of your life. I hold nothing to you-we all make mistakes, but please understand my path is very different from yours in so many ways and Greed I’m going to have to face in the next coming year’s so much. I don’t need in family. I hope one day we’ll be able to make peace in the further. I’ve put a note for Janine please read and if you see fit to give or not to her I’ll understand and I understand why, so I forgive the spell but it won’t work on me sorry I know you wanted to hurt me. But I always will only want the best for you all. Love]

So it’s been year’s know and when I thank back I still get pissed off. I’m still mad about what she put a child through and I could learn to forgive someone for screwing me over, but a child. (la tía) lost any hope of ever being anything to me, I really could careless if (la tía)’s sorry for anything she did to me. The letter I wrote to Janine I wrote because I didn’t want Janine to feel the way (la tía) always had her feel each time (la tía) would ask “do you want to go back to your Mother’s”. I thought I might be able to let her know that I never would/ never could forget about her or stop loving her. (la tía) read it like I knew she would and wrote in her words “you of all persons giving advice! Crazy”. Janine, Remember are talk, be good and listen to others that are older then you. Please give the life that’s before you a chance and look at where you’ve been and be thankful for all you have been given by those around you. (la tía) and me that’s –your not in it, so know that I do love you and will try to write as I’ve told you from time to time. Go to class and stop fighting with your sister. (la tía) mean’s well and give her some lead way, she may not always understand you, but remember she always has your best at heart. Love always   Yes I did lie some, I felt I had to about (la tía). Having her best at heart and to listen to (la tía). Truth was I wanted tell her to run away, come and find me or someplace safe to hide. I just have to say reading the letter (la tía) wrote to or should say at me and mine, I still hate her. There were lie’s and then there were laugh’s, I mean funny stuff. You see my whole family for the most part are all the same faiths, (la tía) when I lived with her I was trying to stay away from Wicca. (la tía) I don’t know what type of pagan she see, but she’s no Wiccan. Wiccan’s believe in the good, white magic. You don’t force anyone to do anything just because you can, you don’t mess with the universe. (la tía) was the first that took me to a New Age store, I never went but once without her. And her friend that always told me stuff like “your gonna to get kidnapped and die if you move back to CA”. But truthful is it was all to scare me, nothing I was ever told by her came true. (la tía) also had two Ouija boards (Pint and Hever), that said had me go on nearly every night.

 That she would move the glass eye to where she wanted it to go. She thought I was stupid and I was for doing anything with her. The only three good thanes that out from everything. That child, I got to spend more time with my Grandpa before he died (suppose to be routine surgery and got a staph infection that the hospital didn’t want to admit). In the letter (la tía) also wrote lies about my Grandpa, in hopes it would hurt me. Saying I was the reason he was dead, and that he wanted to save (la tía) from me. She made stabbs at my parents, brother and she lost family over it. Not me she lost me the day I saw her coach that child on how to have Multiple Personality’s, but she lost my brother because (la tía) lied about him. My parents never really spoke to her again, because what she did to me but also what she applied about my Dad. Was plain hurtful and gave the fault reality of how my Grandpa was with my Dad. My Dad and Mom were the only one’s of their kid’s or son or daughter-in law’s to always be there every time my Grandparents needed help or just for time spent with them. Its moronic to think that family that only goes to your house to steal food, condoning there way of getting a house for nothing, letting your son steal from your Father after his death, cheating on your husband with your next, lying about others all because you don’t want anyone to really know the shit you pull. Yeah I have to say knowing (la tía) has completely changed me, and what family mean’s. This is most of the letter (la tía) sent to me and mine, plain in simple just to try to hurt anyone (la tía) could. Writing it in such a way that if it ever got out that (la tía) would look like a perfect person in the faith that she's not even in, what is one more lie-right?

Years went by and my Grandma would tell my Mom story’s about the trouble that child was in at school and home. I’ve spoken to Medical Doctor’s of this and since I’ve been in a different state, they’ve have said the same thane. To give a child or for that matter any one Medical Pill’s for the mind for any reason that the patient does not have, can and will cause permanent damage to there brain. Get this she has been on Multiple Personality Medication for year’s now and now there saying it might have been something else. What a joke right to completely fuck up a child’s mind, no biggie right. I mean it's not like you're killing a person or is it, you're killing who they would have been without all the drugs. The life they might have had if you had never entered there life. Your destroying apart of them, you're killing apart of who they were. Then it's woe is me when the Medication makes them crazy, acted out and changes them. You have no one to blame but you for ending a child’s life, apart of the human race’s further. All I want to do is make up somehow for the the pain has put a child through, first with her birth Mother and then the life with (la tía). She has always deserved better. But always has known drama within her life. I pray someday that child will get the life she was meant to lead and then the world will see that child shine-truly.

Finding The Meaning Of Depression by:J.A. Burror

this is a scary word but often times it's pushed off as just a day to day ordeal you have to go through
like a right of passage  but really it's:

Painful
Hurtful
Life Altering
Suffocating

motions of so much rush in and your control on keeping them at bay falls short
you try your best not to show off the ache but it gets overwhelming
   almost like you are being swallowed whole by the pitfall of it

this grave state of mind you become in golfed in  it's the worse as anything could be
for you  it's not just 1 thing but memories or thoughts tin to shape or warp your thought process
different levels in Depression is different to fully explain for me
Why? because I myself get Depressed  we all do in someway or form
  I was Depressed at a point I didn't want to live in this world
    my past was all I held on to and hopping for better   appeared to be climbing out of a grave that there's noway I was able to   no ladder was that high and no rope was long enough to reach out to me

I posted about this because it's a feeling I know myself so I'm not just talking about it
everyone is different in so many beautiful ways but yet each share a doubt every now and then
this is what I found off the net and hope it might help for someone to realize any form of problem whatever it maybe  sometimes it's there own well that will get them out of it
other times they need another to help them with baby steps
nothing is wrong with having help  we all need help now and then we always will
try to lie to yourselves that you can do all the things alone  your emotions that never need to open up to anything    God, Family, Friends, Work, Talent or Gifts you may have   everyone has the right to be valued as what we are
there are to be honest more then I realized types of Depression
looked it up and found this:

Major Depression ///"major depressive disorder." You might have this type if you feel depressed most of the time for most days of the week.

Some other symptoms you might have are:

• Loss of interest or pleasure in your activities
• Weight loss or gain
• Trouble getting to sleep or feeling sleepy during the day
• Feelings of being "sped up" or "slowed down"
• Being tired and without energy
• Feeling worthless or guilty
• Trouble concentrating or making decisions
• Thoughts of suicide

Your doctor might diagnose you with major depression if you have five or more of these symptoms on most days for 2 weeks or longer. At least one of the symptoms must be a depressed mood or loss of interest in activities.

Talk therapy can help. You'll meet with a mental health specialist who will help you find ways to manage your depression. Medications called antidepressants can also be useful.

When therapy and medication aren't working, two other options your doctor may suggest are:

• Electroconvulsive therapy (ECT)
• Repetitive transcranial magnetic stimulation (rTMS)

ECT uses electrical pulses and rTMS uses a special kind of magnet to increase certain areas of brain activity. This helps the parts of your brain that control your mood work better.

Persistent Depressive Disorder

If you have depression that lasts for 2 years or longer, it's called persistent depressive disorder. It used to be known as dysthymia.

You may have symptoms such as:

• Change in your appetite (not eating enough or overeating)
• Sleep too much or too little
• Lack of energy, or fatigue
• Low self-esteem
• Trouble concentrating or making decisions
• Feel hopeless

Bipolar Disorder

Someone with bipolar disorder, which used to be called "manic depression," has mood episodes that range from extremes of high energy with an "up" mood to low "depressive" periods.

When you're in the low phase, you'll have the symptoms of major depression.

Medication can help bring your mood swings under control. Whether you're in a high or a low period, your doctor may suggest a mood stabilizer, such as lithium.

The FDA has approved three medicines to treat the depressed phase:

• Seroquel
• Latuda
• Olanzapine-fluoxetine combination

Doctors sometimes prescribe other drugs, such as lamotrigine.

Your doctor might not recommend an antidepressant for this condition, because it carries a small risk of putting you into a "high" phase. Also, there's no proof from studies that these drugs are helpful in treating depression in people with bipolar disorder.

Psychotherapy can also help support you and your family.

Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD)

Seasonal affective disorder is a period of major depression that most often happens during the winter months, when the days grow short and you get less and less sunlight.

If you have SAD, antidepressants can help. So can light therapy. You'll need to sit in front of a special bright light box for about 15-30 minutes each day.

Psychotic Depression

People with psychotic depression have the symptoms of major depression along with "psychotic" symptoms, such as:

• Hallucinations (seeing or hearing things that aren't there)
• Delusions (false beliefs)
• Paranoia (wrongly believing that others are trying to harm you)

A combination of antidepressant and antipsychotic drugs can treat psychotic depression. ECT may also be an option.

Postpartum Depression

Women who have major depression in the weeks and months after childbirth may have postpartum depression. Antidepressant drugs can help.

Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder (PMDD)

Women with PMDD have depression and other symptoms at the start of their period.

Besides feeling depressed, you may also have:

• Mood swings
• Irritability
• Anxiety
• Trouble concentrating
• Fatigue
• Change in appetite or sleep habits
• Feelings of being overwhelmed

'Situational' Depression

This isn't a technical term in psychiatry. But you can have a depressed mood when you're having trouble managing a stressful event in your life, such as a death in your family, a divorce, or losing your job. Your doctor may call this "stress response syndrome."

Psychotherapy can often help you get through a period of depression that's related to a stressful situation.

Atypical Depression

This type is different than the persistent sadness of typical depression. If you have atypical depression, a positive event can temporarily improve your mood.

Other symptoms of atypical depression include:

• Increased appetite
• Sleeping more than usual
• Feeling of heaviness in your arms and legs
• Oversensitive to criticism

Antidepressants can help. Your doctor may suggest a type called SSRI (selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor).

She may also recommend an older type of antidepressant called a MAOI (monoamine oxidase inhibitor).

WebMD Medical Reference

View Article Sources

Reviewed by Joseph Goldberg, MD on October 13, 2014

© 2014 WebMD, LLC. All rights reserved.

 okay braking down the but they commonly occur together
Panic  Anxiety  of it all and sharing a few thoughts I have of my own


 Depression is different from Panic Attacks and Anxiety
By Mayo Clinic Staff
Panic Attacks can occur with no obvious trigger and awaken you from sleep. As with a daytime panic attack, you may experience sweating, rapid heart rate, trembling, shortness of breath, heavy breathing (hyperventilation), flushing or chills, and a sense of impending doom. These signs and symptoms are quite alarming and can mimic those of a heart attack or another serious medical condition.
Although nocturnal panic attacks usually last only a few minutes, it may take a while to calm down and go back to sleep after you have one. People who have nocturnal panic attacks also tend to have panic attacks during the day.

Criteria for diagnosis of panic disorder

Not everyone who has panic attacks has a panic disorder. For a diagnosis of panic disorder, the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5), published by the American Psychiatric Association, lists these points:

• You have frequent, unexpected panic attacks.
• At least one of your attacks has been followed by one month or more of ongoing worry about having another attack; continued fear of the consequences of an attack, such as losing control, having a heart attack or "going crazy"; or significantly changing your behavior, such as avoiding situations that you think may trigger a panic attack.
• Your panic attacks aren't caused by drugs or other substance use, a medical condition, or another mental health condition, such as social phobia or obsessive compulsive disorder.

It's not known what causes panic attacks or panic disorder, but these factors may play a role:

• Genetics
• Major stress
• Temperament that is more sensitive to stress or prone to negative emotions
• Certain changes in the way parts of your brain function

Panic attacks may start off by coming on suddenly and without warning, but over time, they're usually triggered by certain situations.
Some research suggests that your body's natural fight-or-flight response to danger is involved in panic attacks. For example, if a grizzly bear came after you, your body would react instinctively. Your heart rate and breathing would speed up as your body prepared itself for a life-threatening situation. Many of the same reactions occur in a panic attack. But it's not known why a panic attack occurs when there's no obvious danger present.

Complications

By Mayo Clinic Staff

Left untreated, panic attacks and panic disorder can affect almost every area of your life. You may be so afraid of having more panic attacks that you live in a constant state of fear, ruining your quality of life.
Complications that panic attacks may cause or be linked to include:

• Development of specific phobias, such as fear of driving or leaving your home
• Frequent medical care for health concerns and other medical conditions
• Avoidance of social situations
• Problems at work or school
• Depression, anxiety disorder and other psychiatric disorders
• Increased risk of suicide or suicidal thoughts
• Alcohol or other substance misuse
• Financial problems

For some people, panic disorder may include agoraphobia — avoiding places or situations that cause you anxiety because you fear not being able to escape or get help if you have a panic attack. Or you may become reliant on others to be with you in order to leave your home.


*my thoughts on this is that no one is excluded from anyone of these factors  it's how we choose yes but sometimes making the best decision on you could make at that time still can lead to having to deal with the outcome that your mind  your heart is strong yes but still you have to face head on a Attack from something that is bad and leaves you sadden by what's going on

I started having Panic Attacks when I was a preteen   it felt like my heart was beating so fast   to fast
I didn't know anything about  to do but I was also very Depressed and at those times
Life and Death was a game I didn't want to play it no longer
like I said the past in golfed me so my thinking was in the past not to the further
when you are in that mind set  hope  praying  joy  happiness
those become a foreign notion of what really isn't on your plate
neglected feelings you hide them away or become uncontrollable to others based off your random outburst
the tear's infect you as you fall deeper into what you see noway way even when your mind tells you logically your heart is left with that of your emotional triggers that creep up as much as you might be the best at weighing everything out pro vs con of the issue when your heart is hell pint on ruling

Anxiety

Symptoms of anxiety attacks include:

• A feeling of overwhelming fear
• Feeling of going crazy or losing control
• Feeling you are in grave danger
• Feeling you might pass out
• A surge of doom and gloom
• An urgency to escape
• Dizziness
• Palpitations
• Trembling
• Sweating
• Shortness of breath
• Chest pressure or pain
• Turning pale
• Feeling detached from reality
• Weak in the knees
• Burning skin
• Pins and needles
• Hot and cold flushes
• Numbness and tingling sensations

The above anxiety attack symptoms can be accompanied by:

• Choking sensation, tightening throat, it feels like your throat is closing, it feels like something is stuck in your throat
• Confusion
• Depersonalization (feeling detached from reality, separate from one-self, separate from normal emotions)
• Derealization (feeling unreal, in a dream-like state)
• Dizziness, lightheadedness, unsteadiness
• Emotional distress
• Emotional upset
• Inability to calm yourself down
• Knot in the stomach, tight stomach
• Nausea
• Panicky feeling
• Pounding, racing heart
• Butterflies in the stomach
• Sudden urge to go to the bathroom (urinate, defecate)
• Vomiting
• Feel like crying

 Anxiety attacks and their symptoms can last from a few moments to many hours. The length of attack is generally determined by how frightened a person is and how they react to what it is they are afraid of and/or their anxiety attack. The greater the reaction, the longer the attack.

Anxiety attacks symptoms and heart attack symptoms can seem similar because their signs and symptoms can be similar. But most medical professionals can quickly tell the difference as heart attacks have distinct symptoms that aren’t anxiety-like. If you are unsure of which is an anxiety attack symptom and which is a heart attack symptom, seek immediate medical advice. 

this is this contact information about all the above information about Anxiety
Click here for more information about our Recovery Support area and membership options.
If you would like personal assistance with your anxiety disorder recovery, you can find more information about our anxiety personal coaching/therapy option here.

Authors: Jim Folk, Marilyn Folk, BScN. Last updated April 2015.

Symptoms of Severe Anxiety Feel Very Scary

 Written by Natasha Tracy

 While some people think of anxiety as an uneasy feeling in the pit of their stomach or the fear they feel when standing atop a high building, severe anxiety symptoms can be much worse and downright terrifying. Symptoms of severe anxiety can create the feeling of a heart attack or even make you feel like you're dying.

Perhaps the anxiety disorder best known for severe effects is panic disorder. A panic attack can create severe anxiety symptoms in a matter of minutes and patients are often rushed to the Emergency Room because they feel they are dying. It's important to remember though, panic attack symptoms typically peak within ten minutes and then begin to fade.

Physical Symptoms of Severe Anxiety

Anxiety is not just about feeling anxious – it is also about the real, physical symptoms caused by an anxiety disorder. The deep fear and anxiety of a person is reinforced by severe, physical symptoms of anxiety.

Psychological Symptoms of Severe Anxiety

Intense fears of losing control, going crazy or dying are common psychological symptoms of severe anxiety. There are additional symptoms, though, depending on the type of anxiety disorder.
Post-traumatic stress disorder can produce symptoms of severe anxiety including:

• Psychologically reliving the traumatic event
• Overreacting with intense fear to anything reminiscent of the traumatic event
• Feelings of a shortened life
• Looking for and seeing danger everywhere
• Overreacting with fear when startled

Behavioral Symptoms of Severe Anxiety

Behavioral symptoms of severe anxiety often take the form of avoidance. Because severe anxiety symptoms are so terrifying, people will do almost anything to avoid feeling them. This might include:

• Not going to specific places
• Not seeing certain people
• Not having specific experiences

These severe symptoms of anxiety can even escalate until the person refuses to leave the house or talk to most people.
Other severe behavioral symptoms of anxiety include those seen in obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD). People with OCD become obsessed with ideas such as:²

• Contamination
• Safety
• Order
• Doubt

Once an obsession takes hold, the person feels an overwhelming urge to perform an action, a compulsion, also known as a ritual. Examples of severe compulsions include:

• Washing of hands until the skin is raw
• Picking of skin and hair around the face until there are open wounds
• Being unable to leave the house due to repeated checking of things related to safety such as turning off the stove

My Weightloss Surgery Experience by:J.A. Burror

Sorry for the way I wrote this out but was trying to get everything down and still there's more left
I just wrote with thoughts not with making it written out well
so bare with the bad grammar I fear you will notice 

 I've been asked about my health a number of times to make me want to write it out like this  because explaining in a few lines doesn't put it really down of what happen and to be-to the point I feel I would have to start from this point
I am not a Doctor nor am I a Nutritionist so this is just what I have found and with it is my story of losing weight with this life changing surgery
good or bad I own my choice I made
did I make the right choice? or was I wrong in choosing this path that lead me here?
I don't know because I believe everything is meant to teach us
we forever learn in life  what we choose to take in to account might be the very building blocks that shape are further out come
and I'll share my experience with you

 I'm not blaming anyone other then me for being over weight as a child  I ate to much junk and didn't want to burn it off  that is all on me
 I got teased at school yes there were bullies but the scary part was we were about the same size
which I always wondered about because the ones that bullied me the most weren't a different size then I was  just had friends and the in crowd and that put us in different categorizes 
but it was only by a few brave individuals because I hung out with what some would call the trouble makers  but they were the nicest to me in my school days  they stuck up for me and no one would dare make a comment while they were around me
wasn't planned just happened that way that I'd become friends with groups of people that would stand up for me in so many ways when I was in school

I wore the big baggy clothes to cover up all in the hopes of hiding my size a bit but also I was a girl that was developing so I didn't want to be noticed even more in my own skin
 by the time I was in 7th Grade I moved and with that my friends I left be hide
found myself in a new place were it was totally weird to me  all the kids I first met were so nice coming up and asking questions wanting to go out and be friends
I learned from this that some can be surface friends  on the out side  in-front of there family's you're in but when you're alone with the group  you become the joke the outsider

 food became a comfort for me and I'm not blaming anyone just I didn't know how to deal within myself of my own feelings  what was happening I couldn't explain it to anyone alone myself
okay so this is how I ended up a overweight child/ teen/ adult
I wanted to lose weight

I starting wanting to diet  but that word scared me I didn't know why but the thought of having to give up  reminded me of other things I was told I would have to give up to get what I desired so for me that word was scary to obey   for me it was like

Tells you to stop wishing for better, stop dreaming one day it'll all be some great spot
All for that place in the sky, everlasting life. Like that magic pill everyone wishes were out there.
I've only found one, which even worked a little.
I have a hard time believing this pill so and so takes is going to work when they were never fat.
And fat to them is just 10-20 pounds; I mean please get over yourself. I understand if you're fat and then lose all the weight but that 10, those 20 pounds can haunt you. It plays with your mind, tricks your hunger. Makes you believe enough in the end.
Everyone has their idea of their perfect life and everything would be perfect in it.
Right, so why aren't we all born into that style of living, of being if we're never meant to work for what we got even a little.

I was 29 years old  and still my dreams never faded not even once   what I had wanted as a children still remained and grew deeper in the desire I had to reach out for it
yes I was old enough but not everyone that ages get to make a change as they wanted to at that time
I do believe dreams can change with time they can   I can't understand but it happened to mine

I was looking forward to my life starting. You see I put everything on my look, my weight.
Cannot do this, Cannot do that-all because I was overweight.
 I remember wanting nothing else to sing and tour the world. But I stopped myself from trying. Thinking no one would notice to take a chance on the fat girl. I was fat, my biggest was 278 pounds.

Wanting to change my life, that it did. I first learned about the Gastric-bypass surgery back in 1996 when I was 16 years old. No Doctor brought it up. I cannot remember where I heard about it, only I did. I knew it was a last resort weight loss surgery and not to go in it lightly. That people had died and can have severe problems with the surgery and after word. Therefore, I was if-y in my youth, but with years don't always come commonsense about your overall health. The decision with how to help yourself can be wrong, fault.

 A lot of people want that magic pill, the drug to solve all their problems
The quick fix, if you will to weight loss
wake up and be the person in your dreams Or to suddenly look the way you've always wanted to look
But often time's your ideal weight or size comes with problems, issues of losing your identity
giving with it a new goal  which happens to become finding ones self
If only that would make you happy, looking the way you wish
What if there really was a magic pill to disregard health or fitness in its self, would you try it?
To give up your life as you know it and try something new
Even if it meant going off the deep end. Losing yourself in the process. All for what.
That image we all put in are minds of what a healthily fit person is suppose to look like
And what would it say about the type of person you are if you would go for it?
To wake up and be that perfect size to look the way you dreamed of/ or thought you did
Even if it meant nearly dyeing because of it. Would it still be worth the trouble only for that look?

so I had a weight loss surgery
I picked the Gastric Bypass Surgery because:
  I eat more junk then I worked out   I won't lie about that
I worked out every week and as a over weight person
   you would find it hard to get that I really did workout but I did 6-7 days a week
   Gym and at home I walked to anywhere because I didn't drive so I was always on the move
I had dreams that a overweight person I couldn't find in that career as a newbie
   so I wanted to better myself

I made plans with work and went to the Doctors I was suppose to before
the plan was off 1 week then I could go back to work
   because the Gastric Bypass is Laparoscopy so it meant very little down time
   yes for a few weeks you would need to take it slower then normal but nothing big
long term weight loss is what I saw
life changing is what I wanted
LOL I know right     took me sometime to realize that I had to change my way of viewing food

I had a few different types of diets I went on from a young child to in my 20's
   working out
   pills
   mix of pills and working out
   changing my eating with different books on Dieting
even stopped eating all together for a time I hatted food in any form the word just left a nasty taste in my mouth whenever I would say it

I'm not trying to bash the surgery by any means this is just what happen to me
I have known others that never had anything like my experience

I had first heard of the Gastric Bypass Surgery when I was a teen and I thought it was cool
even as a kid I was overweight and didn't change like I said a little before I really did make bad choices for my health with eating

even so I never thought it was for me I just figured I would learn as I grew up to be better at being healthy  but I didn't I learned a lot yes but I didn't change to many things I did
I liked a lot of foods that were just bad for me and you add in the lack of motivation to get moving  it was a clear recipe for me for being overweight

as I grew I lied about my weight when asked  saying yeah I'm 200 pounds when it cam down to the real number I was to scared to look for myself
the first visit I had with the Doctor to talk about the surgery I was weighted and started to cry
I couldn't say I was 200 pound even close to that ship left dock and was half way around by that point
I was 275 pounds I remember thinking to myself
   How did I let myself get like this?
   Why would I do this to my body?

every Healthcare provider has different guild lines they must go by with Healthcare
this was no different  I needed to be 200 pounds
  wow I needed to be the weight I lied about being for years on my ID
so the forms were all sent off and I was waiting for the answer

mean while some of my family and friends I had told about the surgery weren't supportive
not because they didn't care but they worried about the outcome in the end
but headstrong as I am I still went for it  pushing all there doubts aside

I was happy going to the Doctors visits before
 I walked about 12 miles round trip to and from strait shot
 on those days because it was near shopping areas I brought back what I needed after shopping
 it was cheaper that way  I lived on my own and I watched what I spent
and it also added to the walking that I did  so I didn't mind

I worked out at that time in the Gym 3-5 hours then did water aerobics exercises and swam after the workout for about 1-2 hours
  it was nice and peaceful for me
I worked 40+ a week and never had the same week to week routine
I always was alone in the Gym and loved it I could watch a movie and get on the bike
I could listen to music and do weight lifting
but this is where I get bad I would be hungry after and felt I earned it  so I would eat the waffles/ or half of a left over pizza for a mid-night snack  didn't matter I just found when I got hungry I lose control
so all my hard work in the Gym before ended up being no good
I couldn't see a difference and neither could anyone else

I walked to and from to work from my house on a daily habit
my job worked in such away that I was someone to call when they needed a hand in the place
and I loved it   my bank account loved it
so being away for only a week it was good to me
being able to get back to that lifestyle   Yes with very clear changes I needed to make
but when I told my work they wanted me to take a full 6 weeks off
  to tell you the truth I thought What is this/ Are they trying to replace me
but not at all it was company policy for surgery under a health code they went by
I was so happy finding that out

I wasn't told to lose weight before surgery but I do know different Healthcare providers
losing weight before hand is mandatory-normally it's a % of what your body weight is currently from your first visit that they record it
that you have to lose before surgery date can be set
there are also classes to be taken
    this can vary from a few talks with a Nutritionist to 1 year of on going Nutrition Classes are given 

you also have to see a Physiologist
   this is to determine whether you are mentally ready for what's to come  the outcome can go in different directions and it's to help prepare you for the coping process
also like going to see a Nutritionist you also have to see a Physiologist for a length of time and you need both the Nutritionist/ Physiologist + your Doctor and sometimes even Surgeon all to agree

now I have blood test/ x-rays
my Surgeon (I will not share the Surgeons name)
I had 3 visits to see which only saw the Surgeon the first visit
I was so happy that my life was about to change for the better I only saw the great outcome of what I could do

next 2 visits was with a Nutritionist/ Physiologist (I will not share that persons name) that was both a Nutritionist/ Physiologist
I was asked Questions about
How my family likes the idea of me losing weight?
Do you want to where a Bikini when you lose the weight?
I wanted to wear shorts and not feel my legs rub or not have to always wear the long shorts in summer
   hey I grew up in hot weather so shorts  it's a big deal

I had took time off work and saved enough for rent tell I was to return to work
I had food, clothes, tons of stuff planed to do to keep busy
I was all set for my recovery
 But not everything turns out as you hope
I didn't even want to take the full 6 weeks, but now years later and still may not be enough thought that it was just after math from the surgery
 past history problems that haven't yet been corrected

 the date was set just like that
after everything it took me about 2 months from the time I first called my Healthcare provider asking for options for weight loss to the point of the surgery being scheduling

 I saved a bit so I paid rent for the next few months in advance 
I knew the eating diet after was liquid and then you move up to soft food
I took care of my mom when she had the surgery so I fixed all her meals and gave her medication
so I knew the drill about what to stay away from and what my body wouldn't be able to handle
unlike mine she went the full long term
    meaning Nutrition Classes for a year
    ongoing to a Physiologist
    losing weight before hand

I know the only time I was scared was about 1 hour before, when it started to be real.
I went in to the Hospital and saw my Surgeon only minutes before they wheeled me back and I had to ask
after I was tried and told the Surgeon came in only once even when I was having a Allergic Reaction to what I was given the Surgeon didn't come in to see

I remember the way I felt when I was told the surgery date, September 1,2009. Then I remember the Hospital and being in and out, tarring my clothes off because I was so hot and felt like ants
were biting me from the inside out, all over all  because the pain medication I was given.

Allergic Reaction was so bad I was trying to scratch my skin off
I had scratches all over face to toes by the time I saw the Surgeon I was throwing things and I tore off my clothes and wouldn't let anyone near me  I was naked trying to tare open my wounds and yelling at everyone that came in

my Brother came to see me  but heard me outside screaming and opened the door  he said I was crying and out of control and wasn't at all his sister
he went to the Nurses station and wouldn't leave tell he got help for me
once they came  I had to be held down to get the shot  they took me off the medication and changed it with giving me something to stop the reaction

 I left the hospital sore but glade I had the surgery because I saw it as just another step to getting to my goals
I was forced on the outcome 

I went to my Brothers house and slept that day away
for 3 days it seemed fine I was moving around on my own and eating Jello and drinking water
I couldn't handle the broth even the first week it was salty to me
and the drink mixes I was told I could have after  I found it all was to strong
   it's like 1 cup of XXX    I would take 1/4 tsp  my taste buds went wacky

by the 4-5 day I started getting pains that didn't go away in my stomach
day 6 I throw up Blood     this was a first ever for me
I called my parents to pick me up and they did then called my Surgeon and was told
   wait tell I see you in a few weeks then if the bleeding is still happening we'll do some test
so we waited because after all it's a Surgeon
 aren't they suppose to help there patients

 by the 2 week I couldn't stand on my own I needed help with someone on my right side and someone on my left side so they could catch me  I even had a walker
but that was only to go to the bathroom and by the time I got back to bed I didn't leave tell next day
throwing up everything
I mean everything  jello, broth, water, pills, liquid medication
it all came up with bright red blood along with it

now it was time to see the Surgeon for testing right   that's what I thought with my family but no
I was told I secretly wanted to die so I was trying to take the Surgeon down with me
asked me to get on the table and I fell because I had no strength
 kept asking why I had no strength and that was why I was there
I thought: How dare you ask what I want you to answer me

told my mom that I could have anything as long as I could keep it down
  (now that is wrong of the Surgeon to have acted this way)
just so you get the full picture at this time
  there was no TESTING of any done or ordered on me at this time by the Surgeon

I was told to come back in a month to the Surgeon for a routine check up after surgery and I was sent home in my wheelchair because I couldn't walk at that time
I parents told me to see another Doctor that was running test the first visit
  my heart rate was mind you I was in a wheelchair not at all working out
          sitting-180
          stand with a person on both sides to hold me-225
          laying down-160
this isn't walking at all mind you  it's going from a bed that my mom had to dress me, brush my hair and clean me up to have my parents put me in the wheelchair to go outside to the car and both had to help me in the car then out to go to the Doctors office

I got sent to the ER right away on my first visit to this Doctor and they gave me a IV with what they called a Cocktail Bag  the on call Doctor had a call in to the Surgeon which the Doctor was told that the Surgeon said you are seeing them in a few days so they told us not to admit you to the Hospitable

my mom called the Surgeon next day for the new appointment but was told the appointment was still for next month  no new appointment was needed by the Surgeon

this trouble sum yo-yo with my Healthcare that was being given was on going for months
the Doctor was always sending me to the ER and the ER was always calling the Surgeon and I was always being sent home
I started going to a Clinic that was 2-3 hours drive from my house for care on my Doctors recommendation
there I would get a IV of 2-3 bags each time I went  I was so dehydrated and weak and pain shots along with it
along with going to the ER at times still for care all the wile my Surgeon knew of this
my family didn't hide any of my health problems I was having and didn't hide my medical records from the Surgeon either
throwing up Blood my mom and me were told I was lying about so my mom took a sample for the Surgeon to see  right after the Surgeon said  I never not believed you but why would you make yourself do that just to show it to me
again the Surgeon made it seem as my fault for the Blood
nothing new happen with the Surgeon so my Brothers Mother-in-Law  who is a Lawyer got involved and wanted to go to the next visit I had with my Surgeon  my family was happy at this
this was the first time she had seen me from a week before I had surgery I had been in my Brothers Wedding so she saw me 

the appearance I had only a month ago was no longer there   I had dropped down nearly 65 pounds at that time   with no Exercise of any and also my strength left so all my muscles left   that's what it felt like
she couldn't believe it was me   she went into the Surgeons office were we waited for my visit   1 of the office workers saw I came in with not just my mom but another person and got the Surgeon
I was then told my mom was the only one allowed in the room with me
the Lawyer spoke up and announced that she was my God-Mother   even though it was going against my moms beliefs she agreed to it  then we were told that only one person other then me was allowed in the room
my mom stepped aside and let my newly pronounced God-Mother go with me
in the room she had a note pad she wrote everything down and the Surgeon couldn't help but take note
Testing was then and only then scheduled  so because of the tract record with this Surgeon I went to my other Doctor and she wanted to know the testing that was being done and she did the same testing

this is the part that truly irritates me to no end       1 Day apart this was done
Surgeon did Blood work-said everything's fine
            next day Blood work done  testing the same checks on the form
Doctor did Blood work-said I had
                              low levels of Potassium mine was around just over 2
  Mayo Clinic Staff
Low potassium (hypokalemia) refers to a lower than normal potassium level in your bloodstream. Potassium is a chemical (electrolyte) that is critical to the proper functioning of nerve and muscles cells, particularly heart muscle cells.
Normally, your blood potassium level is 3.6 to 5.2 millimoles per liter (mmol/L). A very low potassium level (less than 2.5 mmol/L) can be life-threatening and requires urgent medical attention.

 Vomiting I started a few times a day then escalated to on a good day 6-8 times a day
   my family tried so many things  my Brothers Mother-in-Law gave me Liquid Protein because I wasn't eating and my mom would mix it with Jello and give to me  some days I could swallow other times I couldn't and the smell of meat of any kind being cooked turned my stomach and would send me to throwing up just from the smell   even food made and brought over for them so they wouldn't have to cook with the smell in the house   I was to sensitive to smells of food at that time   but with time I still have a problem with food turning bad I can smell the difference and it's sicking to me now

                              low levels of Iron  2-3
a normal iron level is important because too much or too little can lead to serious health problems
I have found different Doctors  different Surgeons all go by different charts

my Surgeon said my Iron Levels was completely normal and nothing to worry about
my other Doctor however strongly disagreed 
  The medical text "Wintrobe's Clinical Hematology" states that a normal level is approximately 70 to 200 micrograms per deciliter, noted as mcg/dL. However, the normal range for serum iron often differs from one laboratory to another and may vary according to your age and sex.

going off my age at that time and the fact of me being a Female
Mayo Clinic Staff
To diagnose iron deficiency anemia, your doctor may run tests to look for:

• Red blood cell size and color. With iron deficiency anemia, red blood cells are smaller and paler in color than normal.
• Hematocrit. This is the percentage of your blood volume made up by red blood cells. Normal levels are generally between 34.9 and 44.5 percent for adult women and 38.8 to 50 percent for adult men. These values may change depending on your age.
• Hemoglobin. Lower than normal hemoglobin levels indicate anemia. The normal hemoglobin range is generally defined as 13.5 to 17.5 grams (g) of hemoglobin per deciliter (dL) of blood for men and 12.0 to 15.5 g/dL for women. The normal ranges for children vary depending on the child's age and sex.
• Ferritin. This protein helps store iron in your body, and a low level of ferritin usually indicates a low
• level of stored iron. 

 2016 by American Association for Clinical Chemistry
As iron storage depletion progresses and anemia begins to develop, some of the following signs and symptoms may appear:

• Chronic fatigue/tiredness
• Dizziness
• Weakness
• Headaches
• Pallor

If the iron-deficiency anemia is severe, shortness of breath, dizziness, chest pain, headaches, and leg pains may occur. Children may develop learning (cognitive) disabilities if the deficiency persists. Besides the general symptoms of anemia, there are certain symptoms that are characteristic of iron deficiency. These include pica (cravings for specific substances, such as licorice, chalk, dirt, or clay), a burning sensation in the tongue or a smooth tongue, sores at the corners of the mouth, and spoon-shaped fingernails and toenails.
A serum iron and other iron tests may be ordered when iron overload (hemochromatosis) is suspected. Symptoms of high iron levels will vary from person to person and tend to worsen over time. They are associated with iron accumulation and can be similar to those seen with other conditions. Symptoms may include:

• Joint pain
• Fatigue, weakness
• Lack of energy
• Abdominal pain
• Loss of sex drive
• Heart problems

later it was thought it was due to blood loss from vomiting wasn't to me having a menstrual cycle because I stopped for about 7 months

                              most of my Vitamins I had some form of deficiency all were very low levels
I also had a pain that as time went by it only grew in my stomach 
I never had heartburn but a hand full of times in my life before and now I was on a on going medication for heartburn                   

    {Surgeon found a Hiatal Hernia-I was told this only by going to the Hospital because I needed paper work for my healthcare/////// Surgeon also did a Liver Biopsy-found a fatty Liver and all this I was told a year after surgery took place, once I no longer had the Surgeon I was told this information}
                               
this back in forth went on for a full year  I would explain what I was going through
Surgeon visits/ Doctor visits 
    my Doctor kept a watchful eye on my Blood work and my Heart
 also was always trying to have me put into the Hospital for on going watch because I couldn't even stand or sit up right without throwing up  and which every time I threw up it lead to throwing up blood as well

my Healthcare the way it worked is I couldn't be treated by another Surgery in the Hospitable which lead to my health falling even more 

Hospital's wouldn't take me in for more then a few hours at a time because they needed my Surgeon to give the go ahead   the Surgeon giving any sort of go ahead would mean something was wrong 

unknown what but something was wrong and the Surgeon could later be brought into be questioned

Still Unhealthily and Feeling Not-Me Nothing's happening right now, had another fainting spell again. But should be, or get use to it by now-right. It's hard acting as if your perfectly healthily & nothing's wrong, when truth bite's you in the ass all the time. I don't know, just seems like a year is so long too not get better, after whats a "route" surgery/// LOL.. Tells you to stop wishing for better, stop dreaming one day it'll all be some how different. Even less of a pain in your ass to live day to day. Trying to get health care, this week again. I lost my health care thru Blue Cross because I lost my job. Do to the fact someone at a Doctor's office didn't give me the paper work on time. I also lost my apartment because of the same lovely office worker and they lol said to my face "o I sent the paper work to the wrong office, o well but you can live with family". The paper work wouldn't have helped me at all do to the fact the Surgeon put that I was only unable to work for 1 day. What a nice office there, the kind that will only stab you in the back in front of you. So I moved in-right, to my parents. Then she call's me up wanting to make an appointment with Dr. Death/ sorry the Surgeon.

that was the nickname my family came up for the Surgeon-was Dr. Death
I said it once and they picked it up  that and the times of getting no where with my healthcare by the Surgeon
I mean really, why would I ever want to go back if I didn't have to. Office worker "o sorry" as she was laughing saying as I explained what was happening and had happened
saying sorry without knowing the meaning  that's what I came to think of the Surgeons office
That doesn't really mean your sorry, just that your a XXXX, I was told to let my family pay for my care.

Almost as if she knew I was having a hard time find care that would take me. Because of all the health problem's due from the surgery and I was stupid enough to have it the way I did. I mean it's a great surgery no question, but you need to be more outspoken then I was.

Finding Healthcare once you have problems due from surgery can be a real quest
it took me years  I'd get it then dropped off because of the problems I had
   some Healthcare Providers will cover you  if you are healthy   but make it hard when you're not
 I kept having to go through the state and there rules are up and down
   I fell threw the cracks because of a new law that was put in place that I couldn't get Government healthcare   but once I went for the healthcare which was by law you had to have
I did get it because I couldn't afford it  I thought hear we go again
but because I didn't get that healthcare I got no questions asked the Government Healthcare that denied me
I know you only think about the grim outcome once you have no other choice but to see what's there but Please do your Homework if you will about this Surgery and with any Surgery you may need or want

Ask the question's, any and everyone you can think of and look up.
And please watch out for after when the doctor's office may act like they don't care, because that's when you need to find another Doctor that will help you. If your reading this, don't make my mistake an having the surgery without finding out more about it. About the Surgeon/ Doctor's Office/ and any care they may give. Look on the net to find the history of everything with your Surgeon's office and Doctor's office that you'll be seeing after. You might change your mind and find a better Surgeon, that will take the time with you. Don't rush in to anything, I had the surgery less then a month after they called me. Which I had only saw the Surgeon I believe only two time's. I miss the old me that didn't know better, trusted people, hell even had faith in people.

I felt I needed my parents there with me. I went down heel fast and the more I asked for help from the Surgeon the more I got stupid answer's. And unreal questions from a Surgeon no less.
it's normal to throw up blood,
your mom's catering around you,
you don't want to get better,
why are you in a wheelchair,
why can't you walk,
you're not drinking enough
why do you thank you're sick,
are you acting,
what happen to your eye sight,
Here I was in a wheelchair with a sleeping mask on, because I couldn't see. Having motion sickness from the time when my Mom bathed me and dressed me. I threw-up before I even got out of bed and right after I got in the car, again on the drive to the Surgeon. And here I was with this perfectly healthy looking Surgeon telling me all this bull shit. Its disrespectful to say you know how I feel. When if you hadn't had the life I have. I mean why would anyone be that stupid not to see that I was ill, something was very wrong. It took a good 5 to 10 minutes just to get out of the car. To stand and turn to sit made my head spin round. We checked in with a miss office worker I was weighted and that's about it, told my blood work was normal
Doctor did blood work and found I had no Vitamins meaning most all Vitamins Levels were very low and I was sent back to the Hospital by ambulance again

Surgeon was telling I was doing everything wrong and my Mother was only helping me to die, keep in mind this same Surgeon I had only ever seen a grand total of 6 times and somehow I feel that's to many times. I was always given the dietitian that was also a sic-colleges for her office, telling me what I did wrong and question's that she would answer them in her folder.The next 3 months were hell for me. During this time I was Bedridden I did pray for help threw it all. I prayed to understand, to have answers why my health was failing at an untimely manner. Mostly for the pain to stop, I prayed to die daily. I wanted to leave my body and didn't care to return. The pain would start each time I woke up. My heart was out of control beating at over 160 per minute wasn't good. Looking back, I wonder why I didn't have a hardtack. Funny I had no health problems before, high blood presser do from stress at work. But before the surgery I really did love life and celebrating was something

I did from time to time with good friends. After everything that I went through, how can anyone aspect me to be the same person I was before. I changed so much in that time frame. I had to, I couldn't stay the same because the old me would of given up the fight. I lost friends, family, my job, living on my own. I missed my independence, the freedom of coming and going. No rules, no bedtimes, just pure peace and quite.I was only getting worse and truth, I almost gave up. Living wasn't worth the fight. I had no idea of the pain in store for me, because I got cut open. I had a fight inside, unknowing what it was or even if I was to get better. I had to have my family wait on my every need, because I had no way of doing anything alone. I made my family a slave to my health, and added year's with stress to everyone.

When I needed to go to the Surgeon, Doctor's and Hospitals, Clinics it was a family affair. Going and getting special foods to see if maybe that day I could hold something down. What I could eat or drink at all. Feeding me, clothing me, bathing me, paying my bills, walking a side with me, pulling me up from a fall, helping me in a wheelchair and out. They did what no one should have to get to do for another. They were all slowly watching me die. My body was giving up and I wanted to just let go. I would get out of bed to walk 6 baby steps with a walker to the bathroom. Then try to go, and walk back to bed. Most times I'd need help just to lift myself and to stay up right before I crashed in bed. When I would get to the bed I couldn't move my arm's even, it took all my strength just to go to the bathroom. And I was spent for the whole day, it wasn't living. But each time I told the Surgeon 

I was always told it was all in my head and nothing was wrong because they didn't do anything wrong
but the Surgeon didn't run any test untell the Lawyer came not before
I had the same blood work done by another Doctor with the Surgeon and the test weren't the same
I had heart testing that my Doctor wanted me in the Hospital for over night stay
   but when you go to the Hospital they ask if you have had any surgery's and what your Surgeons name was   you tell them and they have to call the Surgeon (especially if it's at the same Hospital they work at)
the Surgeon makes the call and you get sent home or stay
because with no test was always telling me everything was fine and it was all in my head.

I always thought of myself as pretty, beautiful even hot at times. Not a raven beauty, nonetheless pretty
I have a kind heart and love to help when I can. I loved my over all look of my face, my curves and my ass.
I didn't want to become someone that would determine there self worth by how they looked or their shape
I always jokingly said: if I ever lost my breast, and butt, I'd I'd get in- planets. I proudly showed off my curves with clothes that fit to my body and shape good. My face is what I cried the most over after the surgery. Parts of my family and friends didn't understand when I said: I lost me. What I meant was I didn't look the way I did before and it's only because I didn't expect to lose so much weight so fast to alter my over all appearance. I was wrong about that and some. That saying-is true "be careful what you wish for".
Cause it just might come true in a different way.It's hard when you feel you lost apart of you.
The part that makes you-you. The difference in my looks to me was life altering. I didn't look like me, I wasn't me. When I looked in the mirror all I thought was, that's not me. My curves were gone;
I had no bust to speak of. Hey when your first bra is a 40 D and you go from 40 F down to a 36-38 B-C. You have no breast; I was flat in my mind and still am. My hips were almost not even there
and I had so much lose skin depressing. I still have a hard time looking in the mirror I cannot help but see the me that's gone. when I'm told how good, pretty or beautiful I look now. It's not without the inner voice in my head saying: you're nothing to look at, you're stupid for losing the weight.It's like you just want to tell them "really-do you not see me" its like nobody gets it,
your ashamed
it's embarrassing to have anyone look at you. I use to wear make-up all the time, it was a girly than that I loved to do. I would do my hair in different color and styles; overall, I had fun with my looks. The first year after the surgery, I've put make-up on 5 times', which even might be too much to say. I just stopped carrying about myself even the little thanes. By not wearing all the clothes, I liked, not having make-up on, not dyeing my hair. I was very plain and thought no one could see me. That I would just blended in to the wall. Yes, I do know my thinking was flawed. I guess that's what comes with losing 80 pounds in a little under 2 months. Maybe I always will have issues with the way I look from the outside.I said for a long time after, if I could I'd never of had the surgery. But truth wise, what I've learned I never could if I hadn't went threw all I did.

Almost dying has really changed me. My out look of life has took a full 180% around
I enjoy the home life so much, and I never was the type to stay at home
Want to be housewife, Mother of a football team. But now I want that more then ever.
To spend as much time being with my family and the one's I love
I want to watch my kids grow up and can't wait to be a Grand Mother someday
I'm in no rush in being one just yet, still looking for a man to look past my bad and see what's left is good
If it's in the cards for me, but to often I feel it's really somebody's else life
I'm longing to live with all there memory's


Gastric bypass can and does work wonders for millions of people  it's the answer they wanted
what the surgery does is shrieks the size of your stomach
    this limits the intake of food thus cutting your calorie intake as well
this weight loss surgery is one of the most successful surgeries
  for weight loss it really does and I've known others with the same view
    it tricks your brain in some ways
    you like how you feel
    you want to keep improving
    you become better about picking out the right choices

remember this is a lifestyle in order to change your life for the better and for many it's a life saving surgery
Please find out all the information on the potential risks and benefits
not wanting to scare you but Please be self aware   this is your body-your life
There are many online resources to look into if this is what you are considering

Don't think you don't have to change: 
Food: you have to change the way you eat  no questions about it
          you need to maintain that way of thinking that this is just How I Eat
       Meals following surgery must be limited to approximately one ounce each time you eat
          don't try to trick yourself in thinking after a year it's okay to eat whatever
          because that whatever will end up on your hips or make you sick
          might even lead to you picking up old habits that caused you first thinking about surgery
          because the stomach has the ability to stretch to accommodate food, you can consume larger portions
          meaning you have to watch your serving side

Exercise:the first year is the most you will lose the fastest and it's the beginning of your new habits you need
             you MUST EXERCISE no doubt
             by losing so much weight in such a small time frame
             and the larger you are the more you will lose in that time frame
             by this your skin will become loosened and you will need Exercise to help diminish that amount

Mind Set: your Support you will need because your body is changing yes but so is your thoughts
                the way you see you is also changing
                good or bad you will need to turn to others to help with your thoughts about how you are feeling
   
Drinking Fluids:you can't drink in eat together about 30 minutes before your meal and 30 minutes after
                       I have found different Doctors have different rules they ably by for the rules of the diet
                       60 ounces daily but this you will find to be a hard task at start

Vitamins:the part of the intestine where many minerals and vitamins are most easily absorbed is bypassed
              B-12=comes from animal protein sources such as meat, dairy  the surgery impairs vitamin B-12
                     absorption from food and from some types of supplements, so patients must take vitamin B-12
                     nasally, under the tongue or by injection for the rest of their lives
              D=assists the body in absorbing calcium and distributing it to your bones; it also supports the
                     immune system and plays a role in growth and development. Vitamin D comes from food and
                     is also manufactured by the body after skin exposure to the sun. If you suffer from vitamin D
                     deficiency, your bones may become weak and break easily. Bariatric surgeons generally
                     instruct patients to take a calcium citrate compound with vitamin D, 2 to 3 times a day for the
                     rest of their lives.
             Multivitamins=Because gastric bypass surgery affects absorption of food and reduces intake,
                    patients may develop deficiencies of folate, thiamin and some minerals unless they take
                    multivitamins for the rest of their lives

Dumping Syndrome= food moves to quickly from your small intestine  causing nausea/ weakness/ sweating/                   fainting/ diarrhea after eating  also becoming extremely weak after eating sweets
                 so sugary foods is at a low or sometimes you have to given then up all together

Gallstones=losing weight to fast   it happens so be watchful of it

Food Intolerance=once you have the surgery you might find you have gotten different taste buds working for                   you  when it comes to the foods you use to enjoy  might make you ill now
                 foods you disliked prior to surgery might be the staple of your new found dietary habits
                 when this happens my best advice is learn to

after the first year is up going towards the second year
 you might want to try new foods  to see what you can and can't handle this is all well enough to say
but the action might be a bit different then you recall
Remember your taste buds have had a long time getting use to another way of eating  you could just find that piece of cheese cake or a few potato chips leave a after taste that doesn't sit well with your stomach


If you want me to share more of my health story please share and I will

If you take anything from this PLEASE do your Homework on whatever Surgery/ Surgeon, Doctor/ Medication, Hospital/ vs/ Hospital, also find out about your job/ Healthcare, and always find out about if there is or will be a support system after
 I found my "Friends" were the best when I wasn't ill
everything needs to be taken into account before you run before looking to where you are headed